Memories and a Song
by 1PrincessKiki1
Summary: After an attack on the academy gets Mikan hurt she wakes up to find people she doesn't recognize standing around her and a strangely familiar raven haired ruby eyed boy.
1. Natsume

**Desclaimer: _Gakuen Alice does not belong to me. _**

**Author's Notes: _There's not really much to say. I'm trying to see how I do on writing a short fic on Natsume and Mikan. This is NOT, I repeat, NOT, going to be a onefic and yesh I realize that the first 'chapter' is short and I apologize but I felt it was a good way to end the first one. Read and review please!_**

**_Kiki_**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 1**

**Natsume**

Light flashed around me and I blinked weakly, trying to discern the foggy shapes and strange sounds around me. Finally, my gaze cleared and I looked up curiously at the faces around me.

"She's awake!" I turned to face the boy who had spoken, a blue eyed blond holding a small white bunny in his hands.

"It's about time idiot," a violet eyed girl scooted closer to me and I blinked at her in confusion.

"Um….who are you?" I mumbled, and I distinctly saw a bit of surprise register on her face as she stepped back. The blond boy from before gasped and a shorter boy with glasses standing next to him gaped.

"Mikan…i-it's us, your friends!"

I stared at him and sat up slowly, confusion clouding my eyes.

"My…friends….?" I mumbled and looked around again, this time my gaze meeting with a pair of ruby red ones ", I…can't remember…"

Silence took over the room and I frowned worriedly at the startled faces before me. The raven haired, ruby eyed boy just continued to stare at me. I squirmed, trying to think of something to break the tension floating around me.

"Um…what's..your name?" I thought I saw something flash in his eyes but I couldn't really tell. The people around me turned to look at him to and for a minute I thought he wasn't going to answer.

"Natsume."

"Natsume," I repeated, liking the way it seemed to roll of my tongue. I smiled happily and extended my hand towards him.

"It's nice to meet you…Natsume."

My smile widened when, after a moment of hesitation, he took my hand. I stared into his ruby red eyes, and felt something click in my mind as words formed in my mind.

A name.

_Natsume Hyuuga_


	2. Fluff Puffs

**Author's Notes: _Well, this is the second chap. And yessshhh, I know this one is short too but her look at the bright side ( at least it's longer than the first one! lol) Read, Review and, most of all, Enjoy!_**

**_Kiki_**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Fluff Puffs**

"Wow…." I mumbled, unable to think of what to say. The raven haired girl in front me looked at me with what seemed to be hope in her eyes, but I shook my head sadly.

"I'm sorry. Even if you say my name is Mikan and that we've been friends since childhood and that I know all those other people because I see them at this academy every day….I really can't remember…." I sighed, laying down on the bed under me, my bed from what this girl, Hotaru, had just told me.

"I see."

I winced, easily hearing the sharpness of her tone, and sighed again.

"Hey, umm…how about you tell me about..me?" I realized how stupid that had to sound and laughed quietly. She glanced at me and sat down beside me.

"You're annoying," she started and I felt my eyebrow twitch. I wasn't really sure what I'd expected to hear but that sure was a quick way of deflating someone's ego ", and loud, and you always smile even when you don't want because you want others to be happy too. You followed me to this academy when we were kids and in the process found out that you also had an Alice, which is nullification."

"Nullification?" I repeated and looked up at her questioningly. "What's that?"

She sighed like she didn't really want to explain but did so anyway.

"Basically, other people's Alices don't work on you because you cancel them out."

I absorbed that in silence, trying to sort out all the information I'd been given in my mind. For some reason my mind drifted back to the ruby eyed boy from before, Natsume.

"What's…Natsume's Alice?" I asked, and she looked at me curiously before answering.

"Fire."

"And yours is invention," I mumbled and her head snapped towards me as her eyes narrowed.

"How'd you know that?" I blinked quickly and pointed at what lay on the floor, something she had seemed to be working on when she explained everything to me.

"That and that other guy from before, Ruka, complained about your crazy inventions when you shot him with that gun that kept screaming 'Baka!Baka!Baka!'"

"Oh." Hotaru sighed again and I sat up suddenly, sending her almost tumbling off of my bed. She scowled at me.

"Hey, how about you show me around the Academy?" I suggested ." Maybe then I'll remember something!"

"I already thought of that," she grumbled and stood, leaning down to pick up the invention she'd been working on before. "I arranged for all of us to go to Main Town together after I finished explaining the basics to you."

"What's Main Town?" I asked, wanting to know.

She simply sighed.

"Just follow me."

I grinned and followed her out the door.

* * *

"That's no fair Hotaru! You're, like, RICH!" I moaned and the girl in question simply smirked and continued to hand out boxes of some treat called 'Fluff Puffs'. I watched hungrily as Hotaru and Yuu dug into theirs happily and Ruka stared at me sympathetically. He dug his hand into his bag and held one of the treats out towards me.

I grinned happily and made to take but stopped suddenly. A reprimanding old voice rang in my head I withdraw my hand. Ruka stared at me questioningly and I smiled at him sheepishly.

"Never mind Ruka, I probably shouldn't leech off of other people."

"Idiot." I turned to face Natsume with a frown.

"Why am I an idiot?" I questioned and he flicked my forehead in response.

"You're a bigmouth too."

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped short when he flicked one of the treats into my mouth. I shut my mouth and rolled it around, smiling happily as it melted on my toungue and a giddy feeling rushed through me.

"Wow, it's so gooooodddd!"

"Hn. Here, maybe it'll keep you quiet for a while." I stared down at the bag of fluff puffs he shoved at me and then at him as he turned and walked away.

I smiled and ran up to him, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned to face me with an irritated scowl and I waited until he opened his mouth to ask what I wanted before quickly stuffing one of the treats into his mouth.

I giggled at his slightly dumbfounded look and turned and walked away, calling over my shoulder;

"Thanks."


	3. Sleepover Surprises

**Author's Notes: _Wow, am I on a roll or what? Heheheheh, hope you guys are enjoying yourselfs with this story cause I sure am... I know I especially had the most fun writing this chapter! Read, Review and most of all ENJOY!_**

**Kiki**

**Chapter 3**

**Sleepover surprises**

"A sleepover?" Hotaru rolled her eyes.

"That's what I said," she replied and only when I looked up from the book I was reading, my full attention on her, did she continue ", Nonoko invited us. Anna is going to be there too."

I nodded, recognizing the names of the two other girls in class that also seemed to be close friends of mine. I didn't really remember them since I lost my memories but I found them nice enough and had talked to them quite a lot several times.

"What do we usually do at a sleepover?" I asked her and the raven haired girl shrugged.

"More like you three babble about anything under the sun, mostly ending up with the topic of boys, and try drag me into it too while I sit quietly and watch you morons."

I rolled my eyes.

"And let me guess, you've probably shot me quite a number of times with that baka gun of yours for trying to get you 'babble' with us too, right?"

She blinked at me, the slightest bit of surprise shining in her eyes.

"And why would you think that?" she asked back, and I simply shrugged and smiled.

"I dunno, it just seems like something you'd do."

She didn't say anything back and I settled for humming to myself quietly. It was only after almost twenty minutes had passed that she spoke again.

"So do you want to?"

"Want to what?" I asked back, my eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Go to the sleepover."

I paused and suddenly my smile widened into a grin.

"Will there be Fluff Puffs?"

She rolled her eyes and turned away, but I could have sworn I saw a small smile twitch at her lips.

"You keep eating those and you're going to get fat." Hotaru muttured irritably and Nonoko let out a laugh when I simply continued to stuff a handful more of the treats into my mouth.

"Buft ift smo goold"

"What?" Anna asked from where she lay on a beanie bag chair and I swallowed before repeating my statement again.

"But it's so good!"

"Well, I guess I should have known better," Nonoko muttered, eyes twinkling in amusement ", bringing Fluff Puffs to a sleepover that Mikan is attending."

"Yeah!" Anna laughed, and Hotaru rolled her eyes when I pouted at them but proceeded to stuff my face again.

"So, what are we going to do?" I asked, putting aside the now empty box of Fluff Puffs and turning to face Anna and Nonoko curiously.

"Well….." Anna started and Nonoko grinned wildly.

"How about we play Truth or Dare?" I blinked blankly and, for some strange reason, Hotaru tensed.

"Okay," I agreed amiably, totally oblivious to the evil glints in the other two girl's eyes.

I yelped out a small shriek when they suddenly slammed down what seemed to be a small board game in front of us. A simple square cardboard with a small rotating arrow in the middle, the side of the square I was facing was blue, Hotaru's pink, Nonoko's red and Anna's green. What really caught my attention though was the bold tittle at the very top of the board. It read;

"_Truth, Dare…..or Beware."_

I gulped, instantly getting the feeling that we weren't about to play a normal version of the game, but before I had a chance to object Anna swung the rotating black arrow and we all watched as it zoomed around wildly then slowed and slowed and slowed until finally….it landed on Hotaru.

"I am so shooting all of you with my baka gun tomorrow."

"So, Hotaru," Anna grinned ", what will it be…truth or dare or of course you could pick…-"

"Truth!" Hotaru interrupted and I watched Anna's face fall into a pout then turn thoughtful as she thought of what to ask her victim.

"Do you…happen to like Ruka by any chance?" I blinked at Anna in confusion, wondering why she'd choose to ask Hotaru that, and turned to face my raven haired friend. I gaped when she flushed lightly and for the first time since I had seen the girl, at least since I lost my memories, I saw her indifferent attitude melt before my eyes.

"I-H-I…"Hotaru stuttered, totally surprised by the choice of question. "No!"

"Hmm…." Anna eyed the blushing girl suspiciously and I watched in amusment as she shared a look with Nonoko ", I'm not entirely convinced. Are you Nonoko?"

"Nope."

"Are you convinced by Hotaru's answer Mikan?"

I remained quiet, still in shock at actually seeing Hotaru blush and stutter like a little girl.

"I'll take that as a no also."

Anna sat up to her full height, and crossed her arms over her chest as she regarded Hotaru coolly.

"Hotaru, we have decided. Since you're answer did not seem truthful enough you will be subjected to…." Anna's eyes darkened mysteriously and I shrinked back, wondering just what kind of Truth or Dare game we were, exactly, playing ", ... _the room_."

The room?

Nonoko and Anna stood, so did Hotaru. I couldn't really tell if she stood up to beat them senseless or to follow them willingly. Then, to my second surprise that night, she scowled and followed them to a dark red door in the very back of Nonoko's room.

I watched as Nonoko opened the door and Hotaru stepped inside the dark room, then, slowly, the door closed behind her with a light click.

I shifted uneasily when Nonoko and Anna walked back to sit in their respective places. I stared at Hotaru's empty spot and then back at the closed red door.

"Umm….what's in that room?" I finally asked and Anna calmly looked up from the magazine she had started to read.

"It's a surprise. You'll see."

**Wahahahahahhahahahaha! I've always loved writing cliffhangers... You know what you have to do to find out what happensssss! Click that little purple button down there and leave a review! I'll update even sooner with reviews ; )**

**Kiki**


	4. Everywhere

**Author's Notes: _Welllll, chapter four is up. I've given it a lot of thought and I have to say I dont think thi story will be very long. Just about 7 chapters or so, then again I could have more bursts of inspiration and make it longer. You never know. Well, read, review, and most of all REVIEW-err...I mean...ENJOY! ;_**

**_Kiki_**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 4**

**Everywhere**

"You keep staring and I'm going to seal your eyes shut."

I pressed my lips together in a vain attempt to keep from laughing and nodded, looking away from Hotaru. Anna and Nonoko weren't even trying to hide their mirth and were openly laughing now. I bit my lip again as the corners of my mouth started to twitch up but it was hopeless and the next second that my eyes strayed to the bunny suit clad Hotaru my laugh joined Anna and Nonoko's.

Hotaru scowled.

"Shut up."

"I-I'm..s-s-sorryy…" I choked out, trying to stop my laughter long enough to breath. "Y-You…just look..so…..cute…."

Anna and Nonoko's laughter rose behind me once more.

But it was indeed true. I had waited impatiently for Hotaru to emerge from the dark room with the red door, almost afraid of what, exactly, was happening to her in there.

And then, to my great shock, Hotaru had walked out perfectly unharmed and calm looking. And clad in a bunny suit.

The suit was almost skin tight but appeared furry on the outside. It was a light pink suit that extended from the bunny ears on the hood on top of Hotaru's head to her feet. And it was pink.

I had never, ever, well since I had lost my memories ever, seen Hotaru wear pink. And something told me that even before it would have been hell to find her in pink. Judging from the scowl on her face I could tell she was pissed off, but I didn't know if it was from the suit or from it being pink. Or both.

After getting over the shock of Hotaru coming out of the room in a bunny suit I had readily listened as Nonoko explained how the game really worked and what the room had to do with it. Apparently if a person playing Truth, Dare or Beware picked truth and the others believed that the person had lied they would be subjected to the punishment of going into the room and having to wear something inside or having to do what ever was laid out in there. The same is to be said for the dare part, if you are for some reason unable to deal with the dare assigned to you then you'd have to go in the room.

"Come on Hotaru, it's your turn-"

"….fine."

Me, Anna and Nonoko blinked in surprise, not expecting Hotaru to give in so quickly, and I smiled nevously at the evil glint in her eye's. The violet eyed girl leaned forward and spun the black arrow and once again we all watched as it spun, and spun and spun until finally….it landed on Anna. Hotaru smirked and the pink haired girl gulped.

"Is it true….you once had a crush on my older brother?"

I blinked, Nonoko gasped, Anna look like she was about to faint. Hotaru waited patiently.

"I-well..uhh…y-yes….?"

"No way!" Nonoko chortled and Hotaru smirked when Anna turned frightened eyes her way.

"You won't…tell him, right?"

"Why not, you don't like him anymore right?" I put in, totally clueless as to what was going or what the big deal was.

"I..uh…err…uh…"

Nonoko's laughter rose.

"Okay that's enough of that!" Anna scurried over to the game and quickly slipped it back in it's box before the awful contraption could cause anymore damage to her reputation.

"Okay….so what now?" I asked and Nonoko let out a few more giggles before finally controlling her laughter.

"Well, we can watch tv and talk 'til we fall asleep or listen to music."

"Let's watch the romance movie I brought."

I watched as Nonoko's face lit up at Anna's words and Hotaru rolled her eyes when the pink haired girl popped in the dvd into the dvd/vcr player by Nonoko's big tv.

"Umm, is it ok if I just listen to some music?" I asked, not really feeling like watching a movie at the moment and Nonoko nodded, pointing behind me at a large shelf full of cd cases and several cd players.

I crawled over to it and sat up on my knees to see more of the cd cases. Ryan Cabrera, Michele Branch, Movie sountracks….I smiled wrily and stopped reading them, realizing that I probably wouldn't recognize any of the names since I didn't have my memories. Something inside me twisted painfully and I winced, quickly pushing the feeling aside as I cleared my mind and randomly picked one of the cds.

I grabbed a cd player and sat down on the crowd of pillows and blankets that we had bunched up together on the floor and pulled the cd I had picked out of its case, Michelle Branch, as the sounds of the movie starting rang out behind me.

Quietly, I slipped the earphones over my ears and popped the cd in, then pressed play. Leaning back against the blankets and pillows I closed my eyes, letting everything else fade around me as the first song started to play.

_Turn it inside out so I can see _

_The part of you that's drifting over me _

_And when I wake you're never there _

_And when I sleep you're everywhere _

_You're everywhere _

I smiled softly, relaxing as the beat of the song rang in my ears, distracting me from the lonely feelings that had risen inside me once more . For some reason my mind started to wander as the song continued and I blinked in surprise when an image of a raven haired boy flashed through my mind.

_Just tell me how I got this far  
Just tell me why you're here and who you are  
'Cause every time I look  
you're never there  
And every time I sleep  
you're always there _

I tried to push the image away from my mind but to no avail, and ,slowly, a blush crept unto my cheeks. The woman singing was obviously singing about a man she was in loved with so why was I suddenly thinking of Natsume?

_'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone _

I tried to ignore the memory of the first time I had seen him, the tingling feeling that had run up my spine when he had taken my hand is his. The familiarity of his eyes. The memory would not leave my mind.

_I recognize the way you make me feel  
It's hard to think that  
you might not be real  
I sense it now, the water's getting deep  
I try to wash the pain away from me  
Away from me _

'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone

I am not alone  
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh

_"What's your name?" _

_He stared at me unwaveringly and I felt my smile widened when he answered and took my hand in his. His hand wrapped around my smaller one in a hand shake though neither of us did shake. I just continued to stare into his dark red eyes as a shiver crept up my spine. _

_"Natsume." _

_And when I touch your hand  
It's then I understand  
The beauty that's within  
It's now that we begin  
You always light my way  
I hope there never comes a day  
No matter where I go  
I always feel you so _

His ruby red eyes stared at me from my mind's eyes and I smiled softly as my eyes started to weigh down with sleep. My heartbeat slowed down to normal as the image of him smiled in my mind and warmth enveloped me as I slipped into the darkness, the song continuing to play through the headphones.

_  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe _

_I'm not alone _

You're in everyone I see  
So tell me  
Do you see me?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Well, that's it! I tried reaaaallly hard on this one and I think it came out pretty good. Review and tell me if you think so too, or what you think is missing OR what you think I should add on. I'm all ears!**

**Kiki**


	5. Feelings, memories, music

**Author's Notes: _Well, here's the fifth chapter. Sorry it took so long to get here, high school keeps you kind of busy and I just couldn't find the right words to write this chap. But all is well now and I think I migh have the sixth soon after this one, though I cannot promise anything. Read, review and most of all ENJOY!_**

**_Kiki_**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 5**

**Feelings, memories, music**

"Come on Mikan, get up."

"Mm…"

"Now," Hotaru growled and pulled the sheets, which I just happened to be tangled in, off of me, causing me to fall to the floor with a dull thump.

"Owww," I groaned, rubbing at my soon to be bruised cheek gently ", what Hotaru? I thought today was Sunday!"

"It is."

I sighed.

"Then why are you waking me up so early?" I asked and glanced out the window for conformation. Yup, it couldn't be any later than ten.

"We're going to Central Town," was her short reply and then she turned and walked out of my room but not before calling over her shoulder ", and hurry up, before I decide to bring my Baka Gun along."

Sighing, I stood and ,almost robotically, fixed my bed, dressed into a pair of khaki pants and white tank top, then trudged downstairs. As soon as I stepped down the last step of the stairs Hotaru grabbed me, ignoring my shouts about needing breakfast to function properly, and pulled me out the door.

It was a relatively nice day, a clear sky with only a few white clouds floating by and a gentle breeze. I would have stopped for a moment just to enjoy the feel of it but Hotaru was still gripping my arm, causing me to stumble after her as she continued walking towards the bus stop to Central Town. To my great surprise we met up with Ruka, Natsume, and Koko and it was only then that I finally realized that this had been planned all along.

I scowled at Hotaru for a while as the bus drove us to Central Town but it didn't last much longer than that, I just couldn't stay angry on such a nice day. Somewhere in my mind I wondered what Hotaru had planned that she'd invited the guys too but didn't let myself worry about. Little did I know that Natsume was wondering the same thing.

We get off the bus quickly and I waited patiently for Hotaru, who was the last one to step out, to say what we'd be doing. I almost fell over in surprise when Natsume simply walked away on his own and Hotaru, Ruka and Koko turned to go the other way.

"Hotaru?" I called, walking towards them. I frowned when I realized they were talking in hushed tones and kept glancing at me and then at the direction Natsume had gone. I scratched my head, silently wondering why everyone was being so weird. "Hey, Hotaru! Wait up!"

"Well hurry up Mikan," she called, slowing down just the slightest bit as she broke away from her quiet discussion with the two boys.

"Why are we here Hotaru?" I asked, walking faster to catch up to them. "Why'd you bring us all here today?" My raven haired friend didn't answer me but I thought I saw a secretive smile slide over her lips, her violet eyes soft. I shook my head and looked at Hotaru again but the expression I thought I'd seen was gone.

Silently, I followed the group as they wandered through the streets of the town, going into stores if they saw something they liked on display. For some reason, as I stood back and watched them, I felt like it was fake; a trick to hide a much bigger reason for coming here. Again, I shook this off too, just like Hotaru's strange expression, and chalked it up to simply thinking too much.

As the trio went in and out of stores I found myself looking around, a strange feeling in my chest. Kids ran through the streets and girls walked in groups, happy expressions on their faces as they chatted with their friends. Everything seemed so right, so familiar. But I did not know it. I did not remember it.

I felt a pang in my chest, a pull on my heart, and the content smile I had donned slipped away. Ever since I had woken up in the hospital, surrounded by people I did not recognize but seemed familiar all the same, I had tried not to think about it. About my memories. Still, I couldn't help but wonder how it had been before, how my relationships with these people had changed when they realized I did not remember them. Any of them.

I longed to remember it all, I really did. And at times that I become bored, and a normal girl would have just spent the time thinking over her life, I felt empty. There were no memories to look back on, nothing to compare since I did not know how it had been before. Nothing but a vast hollow emptiness that seemed to surround my inner self, and so I treasured the memories I had made and held them close. For that was all I had to prove who I was, that I had had a life.

I sighed, something I seemed to be doing a lot every time I took the time to think of this, and tried to push down the strange ache that kept rising inside me. I snapped out of my turbulent thoughts at the sound of Hotaru calling my name and unconsciously grinned when I realized that what ever she had said had had the word 'Fluff Puffs' in it. I walked back towards her and the guys, my mind clear of all thoughts but one.

"Fluff Puffs!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bit into another Fluff Puff, my eyes scanning the streets of Central Town for my friends, and, unconsciously, my lips formed into a pout. I had only turned my back on them for one second to boy a box and next thing I knew they were gone, leaving me to wander around looking for them.

I scanned the street once more and grinned when I spotted Natsume laying under a tree, a manga over his face. I walked over quietly, intending on jumping out from behind the tree to scare him but my plan backfired when he suddenly spoke.

"What are you doing little girl?"

I yelped and tripped over an overgrown tree root in surprise. His hands grabbed me before I hit myself and he pulled me back up. I looked up at him, my eyes meeting neutral ruby ones, and I blushed and plopped down next to him.

"Thanks," I mumbled and suddenly stuck out my box of Fluff Puffs ", want one?"

I thought he was going to laugh, he looked like he wanted to, but not even a smile twitched at his lips as he shook his head, though I thought I saw his eyes soften slightly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, and I shrugged, nibbling on another of the sweet treats in my arms.

"Hotaru ditched me," I provided, and this time a hint of a smile caught the boy's lips. Silently, he turned back towards his manga and plugged in earphones that I hadn't noticed before. I looked down at his ipod curiously and quickly snatched one of the earphones from his ear so I could hear the song too.

"What are you doing?"

"Listening," I answered simply and he scowled.

"You probably won't like these songs," he muttered ", they're not exactly what most girls like to listen to."

"Yeah well most girls don't have amnesia," I muttered and he blinked in surprise at my unexpected I answer, I smiled lightly, trying to mask the bubbling sadness that welled up in me once more. "And you never know, maybe I will like it."

He stared at me for a minute and I looked away, afraid he'd see the feelings that threatened to overwhelm me, and after a moment he restarted the song and let it blare through the speakers.

_Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannnot win  
_

I could feel Natsume's eyes on me, but I simply continued to stare forward, my fingers slightly taping to the hard beat of the song as I leaned back against the tree behind me.

_You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high _

What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am

_I never meant to be so cold to you  
_

"This kind of reminds me of you…" I mumbled, my thoughts unclear as I let the words of the song wrap around my mind. Realizing what I had just said, and how it must have sounded I gasped and quickly covered my mouth. I glanced at Natsume out of the corner of my eye, guilt churning in my stomach, but his face didn't change from its stoic expression.

_  
And I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again  
Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high  
I never meant to be so cold_

"How does this remind you of me?" he asked, voice neutral, but when I looked at him he was frowning. "You don't remember anything."

"I…I don't know," I mumbled, trying not to wince when he reminded me that I , indeed, had no idea if this was true without my memories, and wrapped my arms around my raised knees ", I don't remember lots of things but…sometimes I just get these feelings, like I know how something was without really knowing it. Like…I think before I lost my memories you were also like this, cold and withdrawn, but still caring."

_  
I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known_

Then I did something that surprised even me and made my face blush a light red hue. Slowly, gently, I placed my hand over his as words spilled from my lips and, even though I didn't know why I said them or if it was the right thing to say, it felt right to say them.

"You're not alone, you know. You have your friends…you have me."

_I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold_

After a moment of silence I looked away, moving to draw my hand back from his but his strong fingers held on. I didn't look back at him but didn't try to draw my hand back again. Closing my eyes I relaxed under the shade that the tree provided as we continued to listen to the songs on his ipod and a comfortable silence enveloped us.

"Thanks."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welllllll, that's it. Yup, that's it and there isn't anymore. Well, at least until I updated again. lol. PLEASE leave me a review, I want to know what you guys thought of Mikan's feelings and all that. ; )

Kiki


	6. Rain and Tears

**Authtor's Notes: _Yay! I'm updating extra early! Lol, my brithday left me on high spirirts and lots of inspiration. Aren't you guys lucky? Well, anyway I won't keep you from the next chap for much longer but did anyone happen to guess that Mikan and Natsume were kinda set up in the last chap? XD Sneaky, sneaky Hotaru..._**

**_Read, review, and most of all ENJOY!_**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 6**

**Rain and Tears**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Are you going to stare out that window all day?"

I forced myself to rip my gaze away from the falling rain outside and turned to face Hotaru, a frown on my face.

"Sorry."

She stared at me quietly, trying to read me I guess, and I turned away. My eyes traveled over the classroom to once again settle on Natsume's empty seat. The uncomfortable feeling in my stomach deepened.

I turned back to stare out the window, trying to push away my worried thoughts but wincing when lightning flashed across the sky and thunder rattled the windowpane. I'd woken up feeling strangely unsettled but had quickly chalked it up to a lack of sleep or something but the feeling had only continued to grow as I arrived to class with Hotaru to find Natsume's seat empty and everybody else staring gloomily outside at the pouring rain.

"Are you worried about him?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, turning to face Hotaru yet again. As soon as her calculating violet eyes met mine I quickly looked away, afraid she'd able to see the worry inside me.

"About who?" I forced myself to say, eyes not meeting hers. The raven haired girl didn't reply this time but simply turned back to work on the invention lying in her lap.

We didn't talk for the rest of the class.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked out of the school, my eyes scanning the crowd of kids exiting. The cold wind blew in my face and pushed my ponytails into my face and, with a scowl, I brushed them back again. Finally my gaze alighted on a blond haired boy carrying a small rabbit in his hands and I ran over to him.

"Ruka!"

"Oh, Mikan," he turned towards me and smiled, though I could tell it was a bit strained. The anxiousness inside me rose once again and my frown deepened.

"Where's Natsume?" I demanded and almost instantly he winced at my bluntness.

"He's…away at the moment," was his answer.

"Where?"

"Somewhere."

I let out a frustrated sigh and tugged on one of my ponytails as Ruka quickly excused himself and left before I could object. Our last class had ended just a few minutes ago and as I lingered behind I had overheard Hotaru and Yuu's hushed conversation and the snatches that I'd managed to hear had bothered me.

"_another one…?"_

"_..it's none of our business."_

"_..I wonder what kind of missions though…"_

I'd hoped to get something out of Ruka, since he was usually very agreeable and open- not to mention Natsume's best friend, but my plan had failed. I trudged towards the outskirts of the forest and sat down under a shady tree as I wondered about what was going on. Natsume hadn't shown up for any of our classes, no one had seen him all day. Where the heck was he?

A part of me, the logical part I guess, couldn't help but wonder why I cared so much that he wasn't around. I ignored it. All I could feel right now was a great unease about the ruby eyes boy's sudden disappearance and didn't particularly care about figuring out why. At least for now. I'd come to realize that if I questioned almost everything I did, I'd need more hours to the day to figure out why I did these things. No, it was better not to think about it.

Green invaded my vision as my attention snapped back to the present and I realized I'd gone into the forest. I looked around nervously and it wasn't long before I realized I was completely lost. Sighing, I turned and tried to retrace my steps through but the tall grass blocked any signs of my footsteps from sight and before I knew it I felt light drops of water fall against my head as it began to rain again.

I yelped when the drizzle turned into a downpour and the fat drops crashed against me, thunder rumbling. Pushing branches aside I tried to look through the heavy downpour for any sign of a path leading out of the forest but I could not see and so I just continued to trudge forward, now officially soaked to the bone.

"Hello?" my voice sounded weak even to my own ears and was soon blocked out by the thunder above, I shivered. "Is anybody there!"

I moved forward again then cried out as my foot caught on something large and I fell forward, my hands sinking into the muddy ground below me as a sharp pain shot up my leg. Groaning, I turned to look back to see what I had tripped over and felt my heart skip a beat then nearly stop as my gaze met with ruby red ones. I suddenly felt dizzy and tired and, though my throat was suddenly parched, I managed a surprised gasp.

"Natsume!"

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

I felt like I was freezing and my ankle seemed to burn with pain but I ignored it and continued to wobble forward, dragging the slumping Natsume with me. The rain had lessened a bit but it still fell fast, making the ground below a muddy mess. Luckily, I could just slightly see the outline of what seemed to be an empty cave not too far away and continued forward.

"Come on, Natsume. We're almost there," I whispered but he gave no reply. I gritted my teeth and pushed myself harder, fueled by the questions of just how bad his condition was and the fear that they'd get even worse out here in the rain. I managed to get us a few feet into the wide cave before my ankle collapsed under the weight of us both and me and Natsume fell against the hard, cold ground. He groaned softly at the sudden fall and I winced, afraid I'd just made him hurt more.

"Natsume," I reached over to him and shook his hand as my eyes started to droop. I couldn't fall asleep like this, he needed help! I felt tears suddenly fill my eyes and slip down my cheeks as I shook him a bit harder this time. "Natsume…wake up..!"

"M-Mikan…?"

I crawled over slightly and nodded, a small smile gracing my face as hope swelled in me.

"Natsume you have to get up…" I said again and he stared at me through dazed ruby eyes but let me help him into a sitting position. Once I had him lean against the cave wall I took my time looking him over, frowning at the dark bruises on his arms and the cut on the side of his face.

"Mikan…" his voice sounded raspy, tired. I shushed him quietly, turning to rip a piece of the long sleeves of my shirt to clean the cut on his face. I wrung out the soaked piece of material then folded it slightly and moved it over his cut. He winced but remained quiet as I continued to clean him up. Once I was done with that I bit my lip as a blush stole over my cheeks and I wondered how to go about what I had to do next.

"Umm…Natsume..you..err…it's cold..and…-"my blushed heightened but I cleared my throat, eyes determined, and reached for his shirt. Surprisingly he didn't object as I slipped it over his head, maybe he was just too tired to argue, and moved away slightly to wring out the excess water. The front of the cave was blocked by some trees and bushes so it'd be able to keep out most of the cold air away but I knew that wouldn't be enough and I'd need to start a fire soon to keep us warm but as soon as I tried to stand up Natsume's hand grabbed mine in a tight grip.

"Don't go…"

"It's ok, I'll be right back," I quickly hid my surprise at his words and smiled gently and after a while his grip loosened.

I searched further down the cave and managed to find a few loose rocks and some dry thin sticks that must have been blown in by the wind before the rain started. I wobbled back to where Natsume was and mad ea small ring with the bigger rocks I had managed to find then carefully set to starting the fire. I could tell he was watching me but didn't look up to conform it, instead trying to focus on building a small fire. After a few minutes of watching my frustration at not being able to start one he scooted towards me and took the sticks and a small rock and we had a small fire going in less than a minute.

I curled up against the wall beside him and wrapped my arms around myself to keep out the cold as we waited for the fire to grow. My shirt and shorts were soaked but unfortunately I couldn't take them my shirt off like Natsume, I was a girl after all.

"I'm sorry."

His voice rang out, surprising me, and I looked over to see him scowling slightly at the growing fire as he poked at it with a stick.

"What for?" I asked, not quite understanding what, exactly, he was sorry about. He shook his head softly and didn't answer, almost as if he couldn't put it into words. I shivered again and coughed, wrapping my arms tighter around myself as I stared at the fire in front of us.

"Where were you?" I asked him, and cleared my stuffy throat before continuing hesitantly ", I was worried…everyone else seemed to be too." Again he didn't answer and this time I frowned, scooting over so I was closer to him, and shook his arm. He turned to face me and I almost drew back at the intensity of his gaze, an emotion I couldn't understand swirling in its ruby red depths. Something that I did recognize, though, was pain. So much pain.

"I'm sorry," his arms suddenly wrapped around me as he pulled me towards him and my cheek went against his bare shoulder. He was crying, I realized silently when small drops fell into my hair, and for some reason I was too. The tears came suddenly and spilled forward as I curled into his embrace, uncaring of what he might think of me at the moment. "I'm so sorry."

Too many different emotions washed over at me at once, confusing me; a pain I didn't quite understand, fear, an ache in my chest, relief, confusion. And so we cried together, though I think neither of us understood why, and took comfort in each other as the rain lessened and the sky darkened. And in that cave we spent the night, asleep in each other's arms.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's chap 6! What'd you guys think? Did you like it? Can anyone take a guess as to why Natsume was so upset, I mean, come on! He ...CRIED gasp lol. But if you can guess it then you'll really be able to amaze me cause only I know whyyyyyyy. You guys will never guess, but I'm sure you'll soon find out in the upcoming chapters. ; )

Kiki


	7. Healing and Afternoon surprises

**Author's Notes: _Ok, here it comes... I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO SORRRRYY for taking so long to update, really I am. But life has really been chaotic, with my little cousins coming over from Chile and trying to study for midterms among other things I have been very busy. I am updating this today because tomorrow I take midterms and if those don't go too well it might take an even LONGER while for my next update. I'll try my best. Btw, for those of you who tried to guess why Natsume cried and all in the last chapter and those of you wondering someone really did leave a review and guessed it right! But, I won't tell you who. Anyway, on to the story._**

**_Read, review, and most of all ENJOY!  
_**

* * *

Chapter 7

Healing and afternoon surprises

I growled softly and rolled unto my side so I wouldn't have to stare at the ceiling, like I had been doing for the last two hours while trying to get some sleep. Even as I burrowed into the soft blankets around me my mind refused to shut down, my eyes to close. I was fully awake.

Natsume and I had awoken at dawn and I helped him back to the boy's dormitories. The progress had been slow but in the end we had finally reached the entrance and he'd shooed me away with a scowl, saying he could go the rest of the way. I had returned to my own room and, after taking a long relaxing bath and eating something, headed straight for bed.. It had been two in the morning when I first laid down, and now, and hour and a half later, I still couldn't sleep.

Deciding I wasn't going to fall asleep I finally stood up and headed for my door. I might as well get something to eat. My thoughts wondered over what Hotaru's reaction would be when she got back from school. I winced. At the very least, it wouldn't be good. I was going down the stairs when a sudden wave of dizziness slammed into me and I stumbled. My head pounded, throbbed, and I gripped the banister as I uttered a small groan. Light flashed in front of my eyes, images whizzing by too fast for me to register what they were and when another wave of vertigo hit me my hand slipped.

Pain overwhelmed my body as I slipped and rolled down the stairs and when I reached the bottom my head hit something hard and white flashed in my eyes. Then everything went dark.

* * *

_Wind blew lightly, the grass on a small hill moving to it's rhythm as shrieks of laughter rang out into the clear evening sky. A small brown haired little girl ran through the lush, green grass, stopping now and then to catch small flowers along the way. _

"_Mikan," an old man called, his voice carrying over the clearing. The pigtailed girl grinned and gave a small shriek of delight as she hurled herself into his arms. The man let out a small grunt and then a chuckle, taking the flowers from her small outstretched hand. _

"_Grandpa!" She giggled again, clapping happily when he took the flowers. She brushed bits of dirt and grass off her light pink sundress then raced down to the hill again in search of more flowers to give to her grandfather._

"…is she going to be okay…?"

"I think she's waking up."

The voices rang loudly in my ears, though they sounded distant, making me head throb even more. I groaned in protest. Slowly, weakly, I cracked my eyes open, trying to fight down the heaviness that threatened to overwhelm them. I blinked once, twice, and the third time the people around came into clear view.

Ruka and Hotaru stood beside; Ruka was staring at me worriedly and Hotaru was frowning, her eyes bright. A doctor stood behind them. I looked around the room I was in and realized I really was in the hospital.

"Mikan..are you ok?" Ruka leaned into peer into my face. I must have looked pale, or tired, I'm not sure, for his frown deepened. I opened my mouth to tell him I was fine but all that came out was a small moan and his face creased with even more concern. Hotaru reached over and laid a gentle hand on my forehead and, for the first time, I realized my head was bandaged. And so was my right arm.

The doctor cleared his throat.

"I'm afraid you two have to leave now. I need to ask Miss Sakura a few questions and then she needs to rest," the man smiled slightly ", you may come back to see her later on in the afternoon."

Hotaru opened her mouth to argue, eyes cold, but stopped when Ruka laid a hand on her shoulder. He mumbled something but I was too far way to hear and Hotaru sighed and closed her mouth. Shock registered in my now clearer mind but was quickly replaced by happiness, it seemed that Hotaru and Ruka were getting closer. I watched as they exchanged a few more words with the doctor and could only smile weakly as they turned to me and said their goodbyes before leaving.

"Well then," the doctor turned light brown eyes my way and picked up a pen from the small table next to my bed ", I know it probably hurts to talk right now so I'm just going to ask you simple questions to which you can shake your head no or nod yes to, ok?"

I nodded dutifully and he grinned. I'm not sure how much time passed with him asking me questions and me answering as best that I could but I could tell from the light streaming in from behind the shades that some time had passed. I started to shake my head yes to the doctor's latest question but stopped when the door suddenly slammed open.

Natsume stood at the entrance, breathing deeply as he stared at me from where he had just burst through the door.

"What happened!"

"Fell…" I barely managed to say the word and it came out raspy and weak, I gave a small smile, hoping he'd find as amusing as I sort of did.

He didn't.

"What the hell where you doing!" he scowled and walked up to me, ignoring the doctor's protests. "Are you trying to kill yourself!

I felt slightly miffed at his harsh attitude but my anger disappeared when he brushed his hand against the bandage on my forehead gently. A tiny hint of concern came over his feature for a second and then he was back to his scowling façade.

"S-…sorry…" I mumbled then coughed. My throat felt like a cat's toungue and even speaking small words wore me out. I wanted to ask him if he was ok, if anybody had questioned him about last night, but I could not. I'd just have to wait until I felt stronger.

"Natsume, you should be in class right now. You can come back in the afternoon," the doctor spoke up from where he had been standing and I realized I had totally forgotten about him. I felt slightly surprised that he'd spoken to Natsume with such familiarity and the fact that the latter hadn't snapped the man's head off at the suggestion.

Not completely anyway.

"No." Natsume's answer was short and firm, I wondered why he was so set on staying. There wasn't snything he could do here."

"Natsume…"

_"No." _Silence swallowed the room at the deadly note in the raven haired boy's voice and I tried to sit up, worried of just what Natsume would do to my doctor. Unfortunately, my sore muscles didn't approve of the sudden movement and I fell back down against the bed with a whimper. Natsume was by my side so fast I swear he had had to fly, an arm wrapped around my back to keep me still until the shooting pain in my limbs stopped.

"You idiot…" he muttered.

"Sorry…" I whispered again and he shook his head. Lifting his free hand he poked the tip of my nose with his finger as his dark e yes met mine.

"No, not sorry. Idiot."

I smiled.

* * *

The next day, much to my joy, Anna, Nonoko and Koko also came to see me. The girls fussed over me, asking me if I was alright, comfortable, or if I needed my pillow fluffed. Kokoroyumi simply watched from afar with a grin and just when I thought I was going to scream I heard him speak. 

"She says if someone asks her one more time how she feels she's going to jump out the window," he pointed to the only window in the room, a wide one next to my bed.

"I never said that!" I yelped, quickly trying to clear my mind. Damn the boy's mind reading Alice.

"But you were thinking it," he smirked, then, as if switching to a whole new person his smile turned innocent and he brought out a big basket out from behind him ", anyway, I thought you might need these. We all know how horrible hospital food is."

" I made some of them!" Anna chirped up happily. I smiled.

"Thanks guys, I'll be sure to eat the-"

"The hell you will."

I jumped in surprise when Natsume suddenly spoke up beside me, I hadn't even noticed he was in the room! He walked out from the dark corner where he had been leaning against the wall and scowled at Koko who suddenly had a look of horror plastered on his face.

"It's not what you think!"

"….."

"No! I'd never-…NO! I MEAN-"

"Kokoroyumi, shut up."

Koko sighed and hung his head gloomily, muttering something about always being misunderstood. My eyebrows furrowed, I looked at Natsume and then back at Koko. What was the big deal with Koko bringing me chocolates and a big get-well card? I shrugged, deciding that guys were just weird.

"You're not eating these until you get better," Natsume grabbed the basket full of chocolates and cookies out of Koko's hands and walked back over to my side of the room, placing the basket on the highest shelf on the wall.

"Hey!" I shouted, indignant, and tried to sit up. He glared at me harshly and with a grumble I laid back down. Geez, he sure was bossy today.

" Oh, and Hotaru says to tell you she's sorry she couldn't come, something about photos of someone and an oppurtinity she couldn't pass up," Nonoko commented and then put a hand to her chin in thoughtful contemplation ", she had that same look in her eyes that she's done when she's about to get a lot of rabbits."

I paused to think about Nonoko's words then laughed quietly. No doubt my raven haired friend had caught Ruka in another 'cute act' and had to go off to take more pictures that would soon sell out the minute Natsume and Ruka's fan club saw them. Somehow, the thought that Hotaru had actually ditched seeing me to take pictures of Ruka made me really happy. Slowly, I'd realized that my cold friend had a sort of weakness to Ruka and the minute I thought about I realized I was right. With the money she made off of her other inventions Hotaru had no need to take pictures of Ruka and sell them, but she still chose to, and one time I had even caught her staring at a nice pic of him with his rabbit by some rose bushes for a long time.

When she'd seen me she had immediately told me she was checking the picture for any flaws that would make it unwanted to her customers. I hadn't believed her.

"That's ok, I finally said, grinning ", I'm sure I'll see her tomorrow sense I'll already be getting out."

"Good thing too," Koko put in ", class isn't as interesting without you there getting hit by Hotaru's baka gun and annoying the hell out of Natsume even though he li-"

A fireball flew at Koko and he ducked sharply.

"You talk too much." Natsume glared at him and threw another flaming fireball there way.

"Ack, got to go now Mikan!" he called to me, half tripping half running out the door. Laughing, Anna followed him. Nonoko came up to me and smiled widely, handing me a small bottle. I stared at the weird, gurgling, geen potion swishing inside and then at her.

"It's a potion that'll make you heal faster! I just made it up after experimenting for a while," she explained, her smile growing almost as fast as my apprehension was ", I tried it out on this bird with a broken wing and worked!" She turned and walked towards the door and, just as she left, I heard her mutter to herself;

"But I wonder why it grew a fin too…"

I paled.

"I'm guessing I don't need to tell you not to take _that_ do I?"

I looked over at Natsume and quickly handed him the bottle.

"Nope."

He rolled his eyes and went back to the corner of the room where a trash can stood and dumped out the formula and then the bottle. I watched him for a minute then my eyes wandered over to the basket of sweets mournfully. He caught my stare and scowled at me.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, burrowing into my sheets and closing my eyes to sleep ", none 'til I get ..better.." My eyes suddenly felt heavier than before and with one big yawn I quickly fell into blissful sleep.

* * *

I blinked sleepily, my vision clearing with each one as I turned and stretched in my bed. Wondering what had awoken me, I looked around my hospital room. It was dark and I figured it was probably late afternoon, still, I didn't see anything that stood out. It wasn't until I shifted again that I felt it and I sat up slowly, staring at the small get well bag at my feet curiously. Reaching for it, I opened it gently and took out the box of Fluff Puffs in awe. 

Opening it, I found two of the cookies I had seen in the basket that Koko had brought inside of it and when I turned to look at the basket I could tell that the paper in which it had been wrapped in had been opened then closed again Smiling, I laid back down and ate one of the Fluff Puffs, holding the small box close to me.

_Thank you…Natsume…_

* * *

_**Well, what'd you guys think? Was it good or bad? I tried to make this one lighter since the last one was kind of gloomy. I know a lot of you must be wondering about this whole mystery with Mikan and her memories and what Natsume had to do with it but dont worry, all will soon be shown. Patience is a virtue! ( though I really shouldn't be talking since I myself have no such virtue XD) Until next time!**_

_** Kiki  
**_

_**  
**_


	8. Needing You

**Author's Notes:** **_Well, I'm sure you all probably guessed the reason for my absence is the same as ever. School, drama, school, homework, school, school, more school, some drama, and then some more school. Again, I'm really really really really REALLY sorry and as even more of an apology I worked really hard on this chapter for you guys and am planning on using Thanksgiving break to write, and post another chapter. So, thank you all of you who are still here for being so patient with me and waiting loyally. now, on to the story!_**

_**Read, review, and most of all, ENJOY!**_

_**  
Kiki**_

* * *

Chapter 8

Needing You

Finally. Finally, I was free. I wheeled out of my hospital room carefully, smiling as Hotaru and Ruka walked beside me, Natsume tagging behind with a scowl. Apparently he was mad –or disturbed, I'm not sure- that I was only allowed to leave on strict orders to stay in the wheelchair for at least one more week and two days. I was simply glad to finally be able to leave the hospital.

Everything had been going totally fine until we headed for the classroom.

"You've got to be kidding me…" I heard Natsume mutter, but I was just too shocked to even say anything as I stared at the stairs in front of us.

"Are you sure there aren't any elevators?" Ruka asked, looking pointedly at Hotaru. The raven haired girl glared at him, shot him with her baka gun, and then waited patiently until he stopped whining to answer.

"I'm sure."

"T-t-then….how am I going to get to class?" I stuttered out, even though I was staring at the answer straight ahead. But still, I refused to admit. There was another way, there HAD to be another way. I whimpered.

"Yo, Natsume, what are you guys doing over here?" Mochou, a boy from our class, walked up to us and I didn't even notice his companion until she let out an ear piercing shriek.

"Natsume!"

I groaned, not Sumire too! Sumire, or Permy as everyone said I used to call her, seemed to have something against me, I guess it had to do with Natsume or something, but I still couldn't figure out what it was. I dared to sneak a peek over my shoulder and sure enough, there she stood, glaring at me while trying to get Natsume's attention.

Mochou, seeing that no one was going to answer his question, glanced at me in my wheelchair and then up the stairs. Maybe he still couldn't figure it out, I don't know, because his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What's the problem?"

Hotaru stared at him cynically. "Oh, nothing, just that Mikan is kind of in a wheelchair and there are no elevators." Even though she kept her voice neutral I could still make out a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Mochou was still staring at us blankly. "That's the problem?" He grinned. "Oh, no problem then, I can help." Before I could even try to think of how he could actually help he waved his finger towards me and, suddenly, my wheelchair lifted off the ground and several feet up and forward.

I shrieked, Ruka choked, Hotaru shot Mochou with her baka gun, and my wheelchair gave a jerk.

" What was that for?!" Mochou yelled, rubbing his forehead. His voice sounded smaller now that I was so far up. I gripped the arms of the wheelchair, my heart thudding painfully.

" Err, Mochou, you might want to put her down" That was Ruka's voice. Curious as to why he sounded so afraid I dared to lean over a bit and peek down at them.

Heat seemed to be coming from where they were, and Natsume was glaring vehemently at Mochou. In his hand was a fireball.

"Put her down." The fireball flew at Mochou and he ducked, momentarily losing his focus and making my wheelchair drop almost a foot down before regaining his composure. Now my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my throat and I couldn't help the little whimper of fear that escaped me.

I don't know if before I lost my memories I liked heights, but I knew that even if I did I DEFINITELY didn't anymore.

"Natsume, calm down," Ruka said, his voice pleading, but the hot head was too fired up. In a vain attempt to clam things down I heard him tell Mochou to just put me down, but I could tell from the other boy's jittery reply that he was too nervous from Natsume's suddenly dark mood to do any such thing.

But he still tried.

My wheelchair moved closer towards the top of the stairs then suddenly gave a tight jerk and my hands slipped from the armrests as I fell out. I was too afraid to scream so I just closed my eyes, wishing it wouldn't hurt so much. But I never felt it. Arms wrapped around me, cradling me against someone's chest.

I opened my eye's and stared into burning red ones.

"H-hi?" I croaked out, intimidated by the intensity behind Natsume's eyes. No wonder Mochou was too nervous to put me down, or even move me, if Natsume had this type of look in his eyes I didn't really blame him.

But why'd he have to come up with the idea to pick me up anyway? I pressed a hand against my chest where I could feel the rapid beating of my heart and breathed in slowly.

"Thanks for catching me," I mumbled, realizing that we were at the top of the stairs and that he must have rushed up just in time to catch me.

I expected Natsume to scowl and say something rude like he always seemed to do but instead he simply sighed, his shoulders drooping as though he were exhausted.

"Don't worry about it, little girl."

The sound of footsteps caught my attention and I shifted in his arms to look over his shoulder as Ruka, Hotaru, Mochou, and Sumire scrambled up and towards us.

I also couldn't help but to notice that Mochou sported three new marks on his forehead and Hotaru had her baka gun in her hand. I didn't need to be told what happened to piece together that she'd blasted the poor boy with her baka gun again.

"Are you okay- Mikan?" Ruka asked me, gasping for breath.

"I'm sorry!" Mochou's voice rang.

"How troublesome…" Hotaru muttered.

"I'm sorry!"

"Shut up, Mochou!" Sumire snapped.

"I'm sorry-"

"Mochou," there was a hint of warning in Natsume's voice.

There were no more 'I'm sorry' ies.

"We have to hurry, or we really will be late!" Ruka set the wheelchair down beside Natsume and he stared at, and then at me, apprehensively.

"Umm, you can put me down now Natsume."

"Hn."

I scowled. "Natsume, put me down!"

"Shut it, polka dots."

My face flushed indignantly. I may have amnesia but Hotaru had made sure to tell me the whole history behind that nickname when I had heard Natsume use it and had asked her why he'd said that.

"Pervert!" I tugged on the collar of his uniform shirt and glared at him menacingly. Well, as menacingly as a girl can glare at the person who's holding her.

"Baka," he muttered, now turning the corner and walking down the hall. The rest hurriedly followed after.

"Jerk!" I bit back, this time tugging on his ear.

"Brat," he turned his face and lightly bit my finger.

"Ow! What'd you do that for!?" I shrieked and the baka actually smirked at me. Smirked!!

"Because I felt like it."

"Baka!" I squirmed in his arms, forcing him to stop lest he drop me. Taking my chance I pushed away from his arms and forced my self to stand.

Sure, I wobbled, but at least I was standing.

"Mikan," Hotaru called, something close to panic in her eyes. Natsume gripped my shoulders until I was steady.

"Hmph, I don't need you!" I huffed "I can take care of myself!"

Something flashed in Natsume's eyes, something like a mix of the panic in Hotaru and something else. Something I'd never seen in him before except for that night in the cave. Fear.

I stepped forward, testing out my legs, and after the first few steps grinned triumphantly and slowly walked towards the classroom door. Natsume hovered behind me while Hotaru and Ruka watched anxiously. Sumire, apparently peeved that I was getting so much attention, stormed past me and slamned the door open, stomping inside.

"Good morning!" I chirped, stepping inside. Narumi, our teacher, instantly turned towards me, worry written all over his slightly feminine features.

"Mikan? Are you alright, should you really be walking around so soon after leaving the hospital?"

I nodded, just happy to be back in class with everyone. Anna, Nonoko, Yuu, and Koko ran up to us just as Hotaru and the others entered from behind me.

"Oh, Mikan, it's so good to see you!" Yuu exclaimed, but guilt flashed from behind his glasses. "I'm sorry I couldn't go visit you! It's just that there's this upcoming event and all the class representatives need to meet up and discuss-"

"It's okay Iinchou, don't worry about it!" I smiled happily when relief washed over his features.

"Are you sure you're okay Mikan?" Anna crowed, hovering around me like a mother hen. As if Natsume wasn't doing that enough, I thought.

"I-" a shooting pain from my legs interrupted my assurance that I was and before I could even move my legs collapsed from underneath me. A chorus of shouts rang out around me as I fell back but now-familiar arms caught me once again.

"You idiot…" Natsume hissed, but I could tell from his voice the he was only worried and scolding, not angry. His voice lowered, eyes soft. "You do need me…"

I grinned weakly. "Maybe just a little…"

* * *

After my little accident and absolutely refusing Narumi's suggestions for me to skip class today so I could rest, everyone voted that I at least had to stay in the wheelchair.

I was beginning to hate this wheelchair.

Narumi talked to us for a few minutes about something, I'm not sure what though because I guiltily admit I spaced out. My mind wandered back to what I had dreamed of before waking up in the hospital.

That dream, about the grandfather and the little girl, had it really been a dream? The question refused to leave my mind. Suddenly, the bell rang, startling me out of my thoughts. I hadn't realized we he arrived so late to class.

"Hey, Mikan, we have a break before Jinno's class. Want to go get something to eat?" Yuu asked, Hotaru put in that she needed to buy something anyway. I smiled.

"Sure!" I agreed, then, catching something out of the corner of my eye, turned and called out to Natsume. He scowled at me irritably but walked over.

"What is it, polka dots?"

For once, I ignored the name. "Guess what? I think I remember something, a memory!" I chirped, oblivious to everyone's suddenly shocked faces and Natsume's horrified one. "I had a dream before I woke up in the hospital after falling down the stairs, a dream about a little girl playing with her grandfather in a field. Except, now that I think about it, I think I _was _the little girl, so I think it was actually a memory!"

I looked over at him excitedly but felt some of my happiness fade away at the look on his face. "What? What's wrong?"

"I-I have to go." He brushed past me, quickly walking out the door even as I turned and called out to him again.

"Natsume! Wait, Natsume!!" I reached out a hand helplessly but he was already gone. My heart gave a painful tug. What was going on?

* * *

**Well, that was it! Chapter eight, hope you all liked it, I know I must be driving you all nuts with the mystery of how Mikan lost her memories but don't worry I'm getting there, maybe, just MAYBE, it might be in the next chapter. So, review and tell me what you thought of this chapter and what you think might happen next( or why, which ever you prefer)**

**Kiki**


	9. Memories and Misunderstandings

**Author's Notes: _Hellloooo! How is everyone? Happy Thanksgiving, and, as promised, as a present I've uploaded another chapter. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, believe it or not these are sometimes the only things that keep me going with the story._**

_**Oh! And to answer Nightmaric's question, the song in chapter 5 is Cold by Crossfade.**_

_**Well, the story is starting to wrap up, I even think the next chapter just might be the last, and probably even a bit longer than the rest. So, on with the story!**_

_**Read, review, and most of all.ENJOY!**_

_**Kiki**_

* * *

Chapter 9

Memories and Misunderstandings

* * *

"Did you really remember something Mikan?!" Anna squealed and her and Nonoko scurried over so they were next to me. I flinched at her shriek, my nerves already on edge from the headache I could feel coming on.

"I-I ..don't know…it could have only been a dream," I answered then looked at Hotaru ", was it?"

She stared at me intensely. " You did have a grandfather and I know he often used to take you to a hill full of flowers when you were little…"

Silence swallowed our group.

So, it was true, it was all true. I suddenly felt dizzy, images flashing in my eyes as a bunch of voices buzzed in my ears.

"_Grandpa!" A small girl wearing pigtails ran into the house, dragging with her a raven haired girl about her age. _

"_Ah, there you are Mikan," an old man walked out of the kitchen and stared curiously at the girl with his granddaughter ", you made a new friend?"_

"_Hai! Grandpa this is Hotaru, Hotaru this is grandpa!" _

_----_

"_What are you doing here, little girl?" A feminine looking blond stared down at her questioningly. She answered him confidently._

"_I'm here looking for my best friend Hotaru! She left our village to come to Alice Academy so I came to see her!"_

_----_

"_Idiot, what are you doing here?" the young raven haired girl stared at her friend coolly._

"_Hotaru!" the other girl squealed and sprang into action, lunging for her friend to give her a hug._

_BAKA!BAKA!BAKA!_

_The brown haired girl fell back with a yell as her friend's new invention hit her straight on._

"_Hotaru, you big meanie…"she cried_

"Mikan? Mikan…? Mikan!"

I cried out softly as a sharp pain shot through my head and the barrage of images and memories stopped momentarily. Tears slipped down my cheeks in endless waves when they started up again, burning themselves into my head one by one.

"It hurts," I whimpered ", Hotaru, it hurts."

"What does, Mikan? What's wrong?" she asked, gripping my shoulders. It was hard to tell since my vision suddenly seemed fuzzy but it seemed that the few people that had remained in the class were suddenly crowding around me in panic.

"Someone call Mr. Narumi!" I heard a boy yell. Had that been Yuu? I couldn't tell anymore, the pounding in my head kept me from focusing on what was happening. I felt disoriented, someone was grabbing my hand. What were they trying to say, I couldn't understand. What was happening to me?

The last thing I remember was seeing Mr. Narumi come in and lift me up before I went limp and surrendered to the darkness.

* * *

"Natsume! Natsume, wait up!" Ruka called, running after his dark haired friend. Finally, he caught his arm and held unto it tightly, keeping him from walking away. "What's wrong Natsume? Why did you just run away when Mikan said that?"

"Shut up, Ruka," he growled, shoving his hand away ", you don't understand, you don't understand a thing!"

"Well, maybe I would if you'd actually tell me!" the blond yelled, frusturated. Frightened, his pet rabbit hopped out of his arms and into the forest. Ruka breathed in deeply, forcing himself to calm down. "Does this have something to do with Mikan getting her memories back?" It was more of a statement than a question and Natsume knew it.

He tensed. "It's none of your business."

Ruka lost it.

"Not business? Not my business?!" he roared ", of course it's my business!! My best friend goes missing for three days and then suddenly comes back holding Mikan and when she wakes up in the hospital we find out she has amnesia! And now, now that she might finally be back to normal because she'll finally get her memories back instead of being happy like everyone else you freak out and run away!! What is going on?!"

"Shut up!" Natsume whirled around, and for the first time since he had met him Ruka saw tears in his eyes. "You don't know what it's like to live with the guilt that you did something horrible! Of knowing that because of you the person most dear to you almost died, but didn't, instead she just forgot everything about you!!"

"W-what?" Suddenly, all the fury that had risen inside Ruka went out like a flame as he stared at Natsume in concern. "Natsume, what are you talking about…?-"

The ruby eyes leaned on the tree beside him, head hanging and his bangs hiding the emotion in his eyes. "It's my fault Mikan got hurt." His hand fisted itself at his side. "I had gotten into an argument with her because she found out I was going on another mission, I told her to stop interfering with other people's lives before she got hurt…." A tear slipped down his cheek ", but she didn't listen to me and followed. I was fighting the other guy's but I wasn't paying attention and one sneaked up behind me and Mikan jumped him to keep him from getting to me. When I saw him I instinctively attacked and my flames blew up one of the gas tanks beside him, I didn't see Mikan until it was too late."

Tired, Natsume let his body slide down the trunk of the sakura tree as all the feelings that he had felt that night slamed into him. "She must have hit her head on something, I don't know, but she wouldn't wake up so I took her and ran."

Ruka was speechless.

"B-but…" he shook his head, trying to clear his hazy mind ", that wasn't your fault Natsume, you didn't even know she was there! You-"he paused ", is that it? Is that why you were afraid of her getting her memories back? You were afraid she'd _blame _you??"

"I'm not afraid!" Natsume snapped then lowered his voice so much that Ruka barely managed to catch what he said next. "I've never been afraid…."

"Come on Natsume, it's Mikan! She'd never blame you for something like that and she'd certainly never hate you."

"It's not about her!" the ruby eyed boy yelled, frusturated ", it's about me! Can't you see? If I stick around her I'll just endanger her more, I'll put her in danger!"

Ruka lunged at Natsume, shaking him by the shoulders harshly. "Stop it, just stop it! Stop saying that it's always your fault, that you're always putting others in danger! We _choose _to stand beside you, Mikan _chose_ to follow you because she wanted to _protect _you! Don't you understand?! She did it 'cause she cares about you!"

"Ruka…" Natsume looked up at his friend, surprised to also tears in his eyes.

"Ruka, Natsume!!" Koko's voice rang in the midmorning air and the two turned slightly to see him running desperately towards them.

"What's wrong Koko?" Ruka stood, concerned at what could have happened to make his friend look so terrified.

The mid reading boy stopped beside them, gasping for breath. "I-It's Mi-kan! Something's h-happened to Mikan…"

"What?!" Natsume was up in a second and gripping Koko by the shoulders tightly. "What happened to Mikan, what happened?!"

"Natsume!" Ruka pulled the other boy back and Koko gave a sigh of relief.

"We, don't know! She- she was saying how she was starting to remember things and, and then she kind of spaced off then started crying out and saying it hurt!" Koko babbled, then pointed a shaking finger in the direction of the campus. "We got Mr. Narumi and they left for the hospital."

Natsume didn't wait to hear more but instead took off running, fear gripping his heart. You have to be alright Mikan, he thought, you have to be or I don't know hat I'll do with myself.

He made it to the hospital in record time and rushed in. After asking the woman at the front desk where Mikan was located she informed him that she was being seen by a doctor at the moment and that he could join the rest in the waiting room. He scowled but went anyway, bursting through the white double doors to the waiting room and affectively gaining everyone's attention.

"W-where's, pigtails?" he gasped out. Tired eyes stared at him solemnly from different faces, no one answered. "What happened?!"

"We're not sure yet," Hotaru was the first to speak, her words were slow, weary ", she was starting to get her memories back then suddenly collapsed with pain. I'm guessing it was probably too much pressure on her and she ..mentally collapsed."

"Well, you're right about that," an older voice called and everyone stood, staring at the doctor anxiously. His features were grim.

"Is Mikan okay?"

"Is that really what happened…?"

"Will Mikan be okay?"

The doctor held his hand up, effectively cutting off all questions. " It is basically as your wise friend Hotaru has stated, she collapsed from mental strain." He paused. "Her body seems to be reacting violently to the memories resurfacing and so it's drained a lot out of her."

"You still didn't answer our question," Natsume growled, ruby eyes trained on the man's stony features for any hint of change. "Will she be ok?"

The doctor stared back at him just as intensely and brown eyes flashed behind the glasses sadly. "To tell you the truth we're not sure. We're really not sure."

"What do you mean you're not sure?!" Hotaru snapped, desperately wishing that the man was a genius and knew how to help her friend.

"Let us see her," Natsume interjected but the brown eyed man shook his head.

"Why not?!" Anna yelled, tears were slipping down her cheeks.

The doctor took off his glasses and stared at all of them stonily.

"She's in a coma."

* * *

**Well, it seems like even with the big secret out there are still even more questions to answer. This is so troublesome….it's even giving ME a headache! Totally unfair….but then again, I probably deserve it, thinking of how much I'm torturing all the poor characters. But do not worry everyone, everything will fall together and solve itself in the end, you'll see!!**

**Oh, and , yes I know I kind of changed the whole thing for suddenly writing from third person point of view when I've done everything else in first person but I thought the change might be a nice one, and I wanted to give insight on what was happening with everyone else. I couldn't really do that while writing from an unconscious Mikan's point of view, so yeah. Anyway, hoped you liked it! Please leave me reviews telling me what you think!**

** Kiki  
**


	10. Mikan's Song

**Author's Notes: _Well, we've finally reached the end of this story. I'm sorry it took me so long to update again but I was trying to make this chapter as perfect as possible and pondering the idea of an epiloque.Anyway, hope you love it almost as much as I did!_**

**_Read, review but most of all ENJOY!_  
**

** Kiki  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Mikan's song**

* * *

Natsume, come on. Visiting hours are almost over," Ruka's voice, though quiet, carried through the hospital room easily but did not receive a response. Natsume didn't budge from his place beside Mikan's bed. The blond stared at him sadly, then sighed and quietly closed the door behind him as he left. 

Natsume simply continued to stare down at the comatose girl before him. Slowly, he lifted a hand to caress her cheek gently, warmly.

Three days.

He could hardly believe it.

Three, whole days Mikan had layn in this room, comatose. Three days he had gone without seeing her smile, three days since he'd last seen her beautiful eyes open and alive.

And it was all his fault.

"I'm sorry," he rasped out, clutching her pale hand close ", I'm so sorry…" She didn't wake, or even move, and the raven haired boy felt the all too familiar depression overtake him again

_It's all my fault_

The thought had never left him, not once. It appeared randomly, repeatedly. Readily; driving him crazy. Yes, slowly but surely, it was driving him crazy.

But that was better, in a way. The guilt was better for him to handle than the permanent memory of how it had all started, of how things had gone so wrong.

"_Don't go!"_

"_I have to," he replied bitterly, glaring at her as tears gathered in her eyes- making them glitter like thousands of pieces of shattered glass._

"_Stop acting like such a hero!" Mikan shrieked. "You don't have to do this; any of this! Let someone else do the dirty work for once! You're going to get hurt!!"_

"_Shut up!" Anger boiled inside Natsume; anger at the girl before him for being so innocent, for foolishly believing what he wanted to desperately to be real though it clearly was not. But then, just as quickly as it had appeared, the anger faded and was instead replaced by guilt at the hurt in her expression. _

_He shook his head, trying to will it away. Focus on the anger; she is wrong, you are right. This is for her own good._

"_You don't know anything so just shut up!" he whispered furiously. His hands curled into fists at his side._

_This is for your own good._

"_Hurry up and go abck to your little pink room full of flowers and happineness if you want to be naïve but do not interfere with my life!" Natsume couldn't help but wonder how he managed to not choke on the words, to not collapse in front of her and beg her forgiveness._

_It's for her own good, a voice inside his head reminded, for her own good. _

_I don't want you to get hurt._

"_Natsume…" her voice was strained and pleading and when he finally dared to look at her he wished he hadn't. Tears streaked her usually rosy cheeks and her eyes begged at him as she did ", Please….please, don't go…stay…."_

_He tore his gaze away from her sharply, taking a deep breath. You can't let her get hurt because of your emotions. Control them, hide them. Save her even if it costs you your heart. "I can't."_

_Then, before his will could crumble, he turned and walked away._

_Two steps._

_Three._

_Four. _

_Don't look back._

_Five._

_Six._

_Seven._

_Eight- he stopped suddenly._

"_Our meeting was so strange_

_It took me by surprise_

_You and your red eyes," her voice broke the silence as she sung softly, hauntingly._

"_I couldn't understand_

_The great mystery that was you_

_But now I see…"_

_He was weakening. The song, her pleading tone of voice, her eyes. He didn't even have to turn around to see her eyes, for the image of them danced before him. He shook his head harshly and continued walking, yes still she sang…_

"_That you're not such a mystery_

_Now I see what you try to hide_

_Oh so desperately…."_

_He was almost a yard ahead of her now and the trees covered her from his view, her voice was fading away._

_Slowly, fading away._

"_And I see….._

_What I also….tried to hide….."_

_Against his own will Natsume's ears strained to hear the rest of her song even as his feet continued to carry him away._

"_I see the truth_

_Of my feelings for you…"_

_He held his breath anxiously but no more words reached his ears. Disappointment flooded through him but, remembering what he was supposed to be doing, he went back to work._

The rest of the memory seemed to go by in a blur. How once he had finally finished his mission and was heading back he'd been ambushed and attacked in the warehouse. There were so many and he could hardly concentrate that when somebody suddenly yelled out behind him he turned to face the bulky guy that had been approaching him and reacted. He didn't see Mikan clinging to the man's back and pulling on his tie until it was too late.

His fire caught one of the gas tanks beside them and exploded, sending them all flying against whatever was closest, and once Natsume had finally been able to claw out of the boxes and rush to Mikan's side she was already unconscious and bleeding from a gash on her head. His heart had almost stopped at the sight. He had rushed back to the academy that night and instantly taken her to the hospital, all of which lead up to now.

Natsume's hand cupped Mikan's cheek softly as his thumb passed over her closed eyelids gently. He smiled sadly. "You must really hate me, huh pig-tails?" He bit his lip as a lone tear slipped down his cheek to drop unto her lips. "I'm so sorry..."

"I ..see..the truth…" a raspy voice suddenly spoke up, startling Natsume so much that he drew back sharply. Brown eyes blinked open weakly. "Of my ..my feelings for you…"

Natsume stared at the girl before him in shock. "M-….Mikan….?"

She smiled tiredly, her eyes sparkling with knowledge and recognition. "Of how much...I love you…"She finished softly, smile still in place even as tears filled her eyes. Natsume seemd to snap out of his stupor and instantly moved back to her side, brushing them away.

"You're…awake…" he smiled softly. "You've finally come back…"

Mikan smiled tiredly and shrugged. "I couldn't…just leave…" her smile widened slightly ", 'cause then..who'd be here…to ..annoy you…"

"Yeah…"he moved closer, leaning his forehead against hers before kissing it softly. Twins tears slipped down each cheek to land in her hair as he gently hugged her close. Mikan sighed contently.

"It's.. good…to be back…."

* * *

**Oh wow, I finally finished it and I'm actually happy with how it turned out! Yay! Thank you all for sticking with this story even though sometimes it took me a long, long, while to update because of writer's block. I just wanted to say to those of you who reviewed that this story is as much yours as it is mine because i would have probbaly never finished it without your support and eagerness for each chapter. Thank you again, and until next time!**

**Kiki**


End file.
